wow, i am tired

working every day, i can't imagine having to get dressed and ready to walk out the door.  there are days just putting on clothes to walk to my desk is a nightmare.   I do get dressed, i have never worked in my pjs, i just can't, i have to be dressed....it makes me feel better.
Right now, i have a can of monster drink of my desk.  Mind you, i dont drink monster, but someone told me it works and it isn't even noon, i ahve 5 hours to go and i have no clue how i am going to make it...plus i still have to finish packing.   oh my gosh...how am i going to survive?
I feel bad because this is making it hard to be a good mother.  I am so tired, all i want to do is lay down and that isn't fair to my kids.

Finding a medium

I am trying to find a happy medium, where i can work, be a mom, have a hobby and a life.   I know i will never go back to super mom, that i had to accept a while back, but to be happy, that is all i want.   There was a time, i thought i would recover, and i would heal and that gave me strength.  Now, i am having to accept it isn't going to happen.  I have to accept my limits and find a way to get through it.   Okay....so..what are my limits....?

I need to sleep more....but why does it seem the more sleep i get, the more sleep i need?

I need to rest more, but i never seem to get enough rest.

I did give up dancing, only because it started to hurt more and more, but i am replacing that with walking.  That was smart and i am enjoying it.  I missed several days due to INTENSE pain, but i will get back on that tomorrow.   Gosh, i didn't know i could hurt so much.  
I found a hobby i can do relaxing...crocheting relaxes me and i can do it in a chair...smart of me.   And people want to buy stuff, better of me.  And HEY, that is what just saved our butt this month.

And stress is killing me, so i have to be aware of that.   Making plans to avoid stress, money is the biggest one, so the allowance idea i think will be smart.

Oh,t hat reminds me, i have to ask Lauren the name of that program.

No more spending money...we need to save and save some more.  

I pray i get rid of these headaches...i ahve had one all week, enough is enough.   

I am also keeping track of my hot flashes to give to the doctors, i know this isn't normal.

And i continue to crochet!  

Raising kids and working full time with fibro and cfs...sucks.

Happy Monday

Isn't it funny, no matter how much you sleep, you feel exhausted?

If i see one more commercial for male sexual enhancement, i am going to scream.  Men seem to have no problem, how about exhausted women?   We need the help.  I was talking to several women and every single one of us said "sex?  really?  ugh!  who wants it?"  

women are tired, and having cfs, it just makes it even worse.

I take my vitamins faithfully...on the weekdays, when i am sitting at my desk, but forget them on the weekends, when i don't sit at my desk, and i do feel the difference, so i have to focus on being better about this.

Our insurance kicks in on 10-1.   oh happy day.  

Kids start school again next week, not having them around to mess up the house all day...oh happy day.
I love them with all my heart, but i can tell Nate is bored.  I think he would enjoy a job, but how to convince him of that?

good night world?
no, i still have 8 hours of day to go...and oh yeah...tim wants his horizontal fellowship.  ugh.

love that headache

I remember older people saying the could feel the weather in their bones...me....i feel it in my head.   Today, i knew it was going to rain, even though the sun was shining and it was lovely out.    The day wore on and my head felt like there was a balloon inside expanding until it was ready to burst.   It finally started reasoning and the pressure in my head eased.   It is still there, but at least i can see straight.   When did i get so old ?

I am trying to do vitamins, d, iron, e.  I have tried multi.  I did notice a huge difference with the d.  I was shaking, just exhausted, so i did research and noticed that women often lack d.  Okay....i think it is helping.

Now, do they have a pill. That improves ones sex desires ?

I got nothing.

Trying to be a better person, and falling asleep

Chronic Fatigue is not for wimps.

Tonight, my husband would like is his wife to be there for him, in a wifely way....and all i can think is "Do i have to be awake for it?"   I mean, seriously?  
I wonder how many marriages are destroyed, because the wife just can't, so the husband, being a male, decides he is going to find someone younger and better and has an affair.  
It isn't i DON'T WANT IT.
It is I CAN'T.
I am so tired.  I used to be able to do it all.
I used to be super mom.
I had several jobs.  I worked for aacs, cnn and taught dance....and raised three kids and was a ministers wife, which meant i hosted events at my home, volunteered, taught sunday school, did plays for VBS, i was an amazing woman.    Now, just the thought makes me want to cry.
I am grateful i have a job i can do from home and from bed when needed and i can sit and crochet.   My hands are beginning to fight me, i have no clue what i will do when they fail, but i am determined i will craft until the moment i can't craft again.
I do need to be a better photographer, so i can do that when i need to.

I am going to go on a date with my husband, and i am going to enjoy myself and i am going to fill myself up with 5 hour energy, which, in my case, lasts 2 hours, so i can be a wife.

Ah, what we do for love.

falling asleep

I am sitting in my comfy chair...trying to stay awake.  Oh my gosh, this is pitiful...6:25 pm and i can sleep like a baby.  I just dozed off while writing this.  
So what did i eat today ..,
Tim made an omelet
I hadbasil  soup
 Oh i had some crackers.
Salt water taff iced tea.
Maybe it was the crackers

Ready to sleep....at 3pm.

So, it is noon, I woke up at 5am, and i was ready to go right back to sleep.  It is now 3pm and i am drinking tea, ready to go back to sleep, how can i be so tired?

When i was told i had chronic fatigue, i thought...okay, so that just means i need to sleep more...right? No matter how much i sleep, it is never enough.   I have literally had to pull over while driving, because i am so incredibly tired, i am falling asleep.   I can't count how many times i am literally shaking from exhaustion.

So, why am i starting this blog?   To document what is going on, what i am dealing with, start documenting and see if i see a pattern...and maybe see if i can find other friends who can relate.